Archive for Articles
By: Amy Monroe, Dr. Karyn Purvis, Michael Monroe
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
The challenges, problems and pain that our children face are real, and as a result, they affect us as parents as well. These challenges impact the whole child; and therefore, we must be willing to engage and embrace our children (and ourselves!) holistically. At the same time, we must always remember there are no quick fixes—merely changing behaviors will not accomplish what is needed. Our goal must be nothing less than healing for the whole child. Much like our own journey of spiritual healing and maturity, the healing we desire for our children will be a process, and it must be anchored by hope—real hope.
Tags: Balance of Nurture & Structure, Behavioral Challenges, Connecting While Correcting, Investment Model of Parenting
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By: Lisa Qualls
Thursday, April 19, 2012
You know those people who always seem to have it all together? They look great, their children are well behaved and dressed in darling outfits, their homes are decorated and lovely, and life seems to be going along swimmingly? I used to aspire to be like that, but that doesn’t seem to be God’s plan for me. It’s not that I’m admitting defeat or saying that I’m giving up on a tidy life, rather I am accepting that our path is messy.
When we love people, we invite their brokenness and mess into our lives. Mess is inconvenient; it takes our time, energy, and sometimes money to make it better. Despite our efforts, the mess cannot always be fully contained. It spills over and touches the people who dare to stand near.
Tags: Adoption Preparation, Being Fully Present, Count the Cost, Motivations and Expectations
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By: ETC Team
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Empowered To Connect, together with Show Hope, hosts the Empowered To Connect Conference — a two-day conference designed to help adoptive and foster parents, ministry leaders and professionals better understand how to connect with “children from hard places” in order to help them heal and become all that God desires for them to be.
The next Empowered To Connect Conference will be on April 20-21, in Denver, Colorado at Mission Hills Church. Registration for the Denver conference is now open! To register or for more details visit www.etcconference.org.
Tags: ETC Conference
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By: Amy Monroe
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
I’ve been talking with a lot of moms lately and many of them are struggling with their kids. I get it. There are days I struggle too. The issues we face vary from the small, frustrating and everyday, to the big, infuriating and out-of-control. But no matter what the issue or challenge, the one thing I constantly remind them of, and the one thing I have to constantly remind myself of, is the need to see my kids with eyes of compassion…and to approach each and every interaction with them compassionately.
Tags: Balance of Nurture & Structure, Behavioral Challenges, Being Fully Present, Compassion, Discipline, Motivations and Expectations
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By: ETC Team
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Registration is now open for the next Empowered To Connect Conference on February 17-18, 2012, at Irving Bible Church in the Dallas, Texas area. Visit www.etcconference.org for more details and to register online at the discounted “early bird” price through January 14, 2012.
Empowered To Connect, together with Show Hope, will host the Empowered To Connect Conference — a two-day conference for adoptive and foster parents, ministry leaders and professionals designed to help them better understand how to connect with children from hard places in order to help them heal and become all that God desires for them to be. This conference will feature Dr. Karyn Purvis, and is ideal for adoptive and foster parents, those considering adoption or foster care and those who are serving and supporting others, including social workers, agency professionals, church staff and ministry leaders, counselors, therapists and others involved in adoption and foster care.
Tags: ETC Conference
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By: Michael Monroe
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
It was the third day in a row, or maybe the fourth. I don’t exactly recall. I do, however, vividly remember coming home from work and being met by my normally patient and long-suffering wife declaring in an overly frustrated tone “Here, you deal with him. I’m done!”
The kids were home for Christmas break and one son in particular was being more than a handful. This was very uncharacteristic for him. The first day we thought it was simply childhood Christmas excitement. By the second day, we were beginning to lose our patience. When I arrived home this day my wife was almost at her wits’ end. Nagging, whining, crying, bugging siblings, arguing, you name it. But why? Didn’t he know Christmas was almost here? Had he forgotten that Santa was “making his list and checking it twice?” Wasn’t he aware of how much mom and dad had to do in order to get ready for Christmas? For so many reasons, now was not the time for him to be acting this way.
What I did next doesn’t come naturally to me.
Tags: Behavioral Challenges, Being Fully Present, Compassion, Giving Voice, Loss and Grief, Talking with Childen
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By: Lisa Qualls
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Dr. Karyn Purvis speaks about the importance of giving children “voice,” and we have embraced this as we’ve loved and cared for our children from “hard places.” But what about the children that were already in our family? Did we neglect to give them voice? Did we fail to meet their needs as we desperately worked to help our most traumatized children?
I can tell you that we did, and it breaks my heart to acknowledge it. In March 2007, we brought three children home from Ethiopia. One of them brought severe challenges that turned our family upside down. Our home, which had once been a very happy place, was now in constant tumult. And the children already in our family suffered more than we could have imagined.
In many ways, we failed them. In our effort to bring healing to our children from “hard places” we created a “hard place” for our other children. In our effort to give our children from “hard places” voice, we neglected to give our other children “voice.” This is the hard truth.
Tags: Count the Cost, Dealing with Crisis, Giving Voice, Older Children, Talking with Childen
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By: Michael Monroe
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
I want to be a good father. I even like to think I work pretty hard at it – certainly much harder than I ever imagined I would. But despite my best intentions and in spite of all of my efforts, I am still a pretty sorry father at times. Sorry as in bad, rotten and no good. I can think of some other ways to say it, but I think you get the picture.
Take this morning for example. Mornings before school can be dicey in general, but for the most part we have our routine down and we’ve learned – parents and kids alike – how to make things run smoothly. Every once in a while, however, someone decides to mix things up. Maybe it’s because the kids went to bed late or one of them isn’t feeling well. Or maybe it’s for no reason at all, as was the case today. Whatever the reason, my kids need a father that can handle whatever they throw his way. I want to be that kind of father. Not some of the time; all of the time. But today I wasn’t. Today, I was the problem.
Tags: Being Fully Present, Motivations and Expectations, Repairing Connection, Talking with Childen
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By: ETC Team
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
As Dr. Purvis points out in The Connected Child, nutrition is important for all children — and especially so for children from hard places. Dr. Purvis explains, however, that “it’s not always obvious that a child is missing out on complete nourishment.”
Recognizing that many adoptive and foster families face various food and nutrition-related issues, the Spoon Foundation and the Joint Council on International Children’s Services have launched a new online resource — www.adoptionnutrition.org — that focuses on nutrition for adoptive and foster families.
Tags: Adoption Preparation, Behavioral Challenges, Brain Chemistry, Food & Nutrition
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By: Lisa Qualls
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Adoption and foster care bring new children into our families and we open our arms to receive them. What we might not expect is the way our circle may enlarge beyond our immediate families. Since adopting our children, our world has expanded to include many others who have become very important in our journey and in our lives. We have learned that parenting children from “hard places” takes more than Russ and I can give on our own; for now, it takes a “team.”
Let me share some of the members of our team in the hope that it may encourage you to think about the
support your family needs.
Tags: Adoption Preparation, Family & Friends, Investment Model of Parenting, Older Children
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