Archive for Articles
By: Amy Monroe
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
I’ve been talking with a lot of moms lately and many of them are struggling with their kids. I get it. There are days I struggle too. The issues we face vary from the small, frustrating and everyday, to the big, infuriating and out-of-control. But no matter what the issue or challenge, the one thing I constantly remind them of, and the one thing I have to constantly remind myself of, is the need to see my kids with eyes of compassion…and to approach each and every interaction with them compassionately.
Tags: Balance of Nurture & Structure, Behavioral Challenges, Being Fully Present, Compassion, Discipline, Motivations and Expectations
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By: ETC Team
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Registration is now open for the next Empowered To Connect Conference on February 17-18, 2012, at Irving Bible Church in the Dallas, Texas area. Visit www.etcconference.org for more details and to register online at the discounted “early bird” price through January 14, 2012.
Empowered To Connect, together with Show Hope, will host the Empowered To Connect Conference — a two-day conference for adoptive and foster parents, ministry leaders and professionals designed to help them better understand how to connect with children from hard places in order to help them heal and become all that God desires for them to be. This conference will feature Dr. Karyn Purvis, and is ideal for adoptive and foster parents, those considering adoption or foster care and those who are serving and supporting others, including social workers, agency professionals, church staff and ministry leaders, counselors, therapists and others involved in adoption and foster care.
Tags: ETC Conference
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By: Michael Monroe
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
It was the third day in a row, or maybe the fourth. I don’t exactly recall. I do, however, vividly remember coming home from work and being met by my normally patient and long-suffering wife declaring in an overly frustrated tone “Here, you deal with him. I’m done!”
The kids were home for Christmas break and one son in particular was being more than a handful. This was very uncharacteristic for him. The first day we thought it was simply childhood Christmas excitement. By the second day, we were beginning to lose our patience. When I arrived home this day my wife was almost at her wits’ end. Nagging, whining, crying, bugging siblings, arguing, you name it. But why? Didn’t he know Christmas was almost here? Had he forgotten that Santa was “making his list and checking it twice?” Wasn’t he aware of how much mom and dad had to do in order to get ready for Christmas? For so many reasons, now was not the time for him to be acting this way.
What I did next doesn’t come naturally to me.
Tags: Behavioral Challenges, Being Fully Present, Compassion, Giving Voice, Loss and Grief, Talking with Childen
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By: Lisa Qualls
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Dr. Karyn Purvis speaks about the importance of giving children “voice,” and we have embraced this as we’ve loved and cared for our children from “hard places.” But what about the children that were already in our family? Did we neglect to give them voice? Did we fail to meet their needs as we desperately worked to help our most traumatized children?
I can tell you that we did, and it breaks my heart to acknowledge it. In March 2007, we brought three children home from Ethiopia. One of them brought severe challenges that turned our family upside down. Our home, which had once been a very happy place, was now in constant tumult. And the children already in our family suffered more than we could have imagined.
In many ways, we failed them. In our effort to bring healing to our children from “hard places” we created a “hard place” for our other children. In our effort to give our children from “hard places” voice, we neglected to give our other children “voice.” This is the hard truth.
Tags: Count the Cost, Dealing with Crisis, Giving Voice, Older Children, Talking with Childen
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By: Michael Monroe
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
I want to be a good father. I even like to think I work pretty hard at it – certainly much harder than I ever imagined I would. But despite my best intentions and in spite of all of my efforts, I am still a pretty sorry father at times. Sorry as in bad, rotten and no good. I can think of some other ways to say it, but I think you get the picture.
Take this morning for example. Mornings before school can be dicey in general, but for the most part we have our routine down and we’ve learned – parents and kids alike – how to make things run smoothly. Every once in a while, however, someone decides to mix things up. Maybe it’s because the kids went to bed late or one of them isn’t feeling well. Or maybe it’s for no reason at all, as was the case today. Whatever the reason, my kids need a father that can handle whatever they throw his way. I want to be that kind of father. Not some of the time; all of the time. But today I wasn’t. Today, I was the problem.
Tags: Being Fully Present, Motivations and Expectations, Repairing Connection, Talking with Childen
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By: ETC Team
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
As Dr. Purvis points out in The Connected Child, nutrition is important for all children — and especially so for children from hard places. Dr. Purvis explains, however, that “it’s not always obvious that a child is missing out on complete nourishment.”
Recognizing that many adoptive and foster families face various food and nutrition-related issues, the Spoon Foundation and the Joint Council on International Children’s Services have launched a new online resource — www.adoptionnutrition.org — that focuses on nutrition for adoptive and foster families.
Tags: Adoption Preparation, Behavioral Challenges, Brain Chemistry, Food & Nutrition
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By: Lisa Qualls
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Adoption and foster care bring new children into our families and we open our arms to receive them. What we might not expect is the way our circle may enlarge beyond our immediate families. Since adopting our children, our world has expanded to include many others who have become very important in our journey and in our lives. We have learned that parenting children from “hard places” takes more than Russ and I can give on our own; for now, it takes a “team.”
Let me share some of the members of our team in the hope that it may encourage you to think about the
support your family needs.
Tags: Adoption Preparation, Family & Friends, Investment Model of Parenting, Older Children
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By: Amy Monroe
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
The following story was included in Chapter 7 (Dealing with Defiance) of Created To Connect: A Christian’s Guide to The Connected Child. It illustrates well how parents can use playful engagement to correct misbehavior while also staying connected with their child.
Susan recently recounted a recurring issue she was dealing with at home with her six-year-old son, Seth, whom she adopted from foster care. The situation was becoming increasingly problematic and was causing a great deal of frustration. It involved outright defiance, but it started with a simple pair of socks.
Tags: Balance of Nurture & Structure, Behavioral Challenges, Discipline, Playful Interaction
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By: Lisa Qualls
Thursday, July 28, 2011
I don’t know about you, but I’m not fond of those moments when my child stomps away in a huff, or crosses her arms as she looks at me. She is mad, and my initial response is to be irritated. As she setttles deeper into “mad,” I can feel myself pull away from her. I get short with her and find I don’t want to look in her eyes.
I need to stop.
This is the crucial moment when I need to stop the “mad cycle” and see it for what it really is.
She is sad.
Tags: Attachment, Balance of Nurture & Structure, Behavioral Challenges, Being Fully Present, Compassion, Discipline, Investment Model of Parenting, Motivations and Expectations, Older Children
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By: Amy Monroe
Monday, July 18, 2011
I will never forget a phone call I made a little over three years ago to Dr. Karyn Purvis. I had just finished reading her book, The Connected Child, and I was so excited to start “practicing” what I had learned. Little did I know that I was taking a step that would lead me (and our entire family) on an incredible journey.
I had spent the better part of an entire week using her strategies of “connecting while correcting” with all four of my kids. They were all out of school for the summer, and looking back I must have been crazy to try this when they were home all day. By the end of that week I was literally exhausted — physically and emotionally. I never imagined that this “connecting while correcting” would take so much time and energy. Threatening to put my kids in “time out” or taking something away was so much easier than this.
So when I called Dr. Purvis I pretty much told her that she was crazy and that this approach of hers would never work for us. I know what you are thinking — who am I to tell the expert that her methods didn’t work? Pretty bold, huh?
Tags: Balance of Nurture & Structure, Behavioral Challenges, Investment Model of Parenting, Motivations and Expectations
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