Archive for Articles
By: Amy Monroe
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
If I am honest I have to admit that in many ways I dread summer. In Texas, where I live, summer means heat – at times sweltering heat. While I do not particularly like the bitter cold of winter, the heat can be downright oppressive. One hundred plus degree days in June, anyone? I guess I am a “highs in the low 70’s, blue skies and gentle breeze all year round” kind of girl.
Summer also means kids, as in all four kids, all day long, every day – or at least that’s how it feels. Only a few years ago, before they were all in school, that didn’t bother me so much, but now it can feel, well, completely overwhelming at times. So the other day I was a little convicted when I was talking with a friend and she told me how excited she was that summer had arrived. Don’t get me wrong, getting to sleep a little bit later and having the option to be lazy all day long is great. But the whining, arguing and the overall opportunity for more conflict among the kids and between me and them – none of that is all that great.
Tags: Behavioral Challenges, Being Fully Present, Investment Model of Parenting
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By: Michael Monroe
Friday, June 24, 2011
As an adoptive dad I’ve come to the place that I can easily acknowledge that all of my kids are a little different in some way or another. Different than what, you ask? I’m not entirely sure, but I know that they are different.
As I listen to dads who don’t share the adoption or foster experience, I realize how normal being an adoptive dad is. I can relate to almost everything they talk about because I’ve experienced it myself. But I know that there are more than a few things about my experience as an adoptive dad that these other dads can’t relate to. I am generally ok with that. Most of the time I don’t really think about my kids being different. It is just who they are, and a part of who we are. But every once in a while I notice it, and it can leave me feeling a bit misunderstood and even isolated, except among other adoptive parents.
“Typical” is the word that seems to have replaced the word “normal” in the world of adoption and foster care. This is probably for good reason. After all, children that have backgrounds involving trauma, abuse, abandonment and institutionalization aren’t abnormal, but they often don’t develop in the same way and at the same pace as a “typically developing” child.
Tags: Compassion, Count the Cost, Investment Model of Parenting, Motivations and Expectations
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By: Amy Monroe
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
We recently moved out of our house to remodel the downstairs after experiencing a water leak. In the process, I was forced to confront one of the more unwelcome tasks of moving – cleaning out the pantry. In doing so I discovered that we had somehow collected enough random cans of food to survive for months, if not years. That was, of course, if we didn’t mind eating Spaghetti O’s that expired the same year my six-year olds were born! I’m ashamed to admit it, but I had more than a few expired food items lining the shelves.
As I look back on our adoption journey and I listen to the challenges of other adoptive and foster parents, it occurs to me that many of us view compassion for our children in much the same way as we would that old can of Spaghetti O’s. The honest truth is that for many of us, our compassion for our children – for the trauma and harm they suffered, the pain and loss that flows from their past and the lingering effects of their history – has an expiration date. All too often we think in terms of “they’ve been home for six months…they should not be doing that still” or even “they’ve been home for five years…they should know better by now.”
Tags: Being Fully Present, Compassion, Motivations and Expectations, Trauma
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By: Lisa Qualls
Thursday, June 2, 2011
I would venture to guess that nearly every parent of a child from a “hard place” believes they have done it all wrong. As the recent Empowered to Connect Conference came to a close, a dear friend shared that she and her husband were both hopeful and disheartened by what they had learned. They held back tears of sorrow and regret as they wished they could go back and parent their children differently. Russ and I have also wrestled with these thoughts and are saddened by the knowledge that some of our efforts likely increased our children’s trauma rather than brought healing.
Tags: Balance of Nurture & Structure, Being Fully Present, Compassion, Motivations and Expectations, Talking with Childen
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By: ETC Team
Monday, May 30, 2011
Empowered To Connect, together with Show Hope, hosts the Empowered To Connect Conference, which has provided hope and help to many adoptive and foster parents as well as church ministry leaders and adoption/foster professionals.
The next Empowered To Connect Conference will be held on September 23-24, 2011, in Nashville, Tennessee at Brentwood Baptist Church. Online registration is open and the early bird rate is available through Wednesday, June 1.
Visit www.etcconference.org for more details and to register online. And, for a limited time, 1/2 off registrations discounts are available due to a generous grant from Focus on the Family. Simply use the code FOCUS when registering online to receive this discount.
Tags: Adoption Preparation, Church Ministry, ETC Conference
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By: ETC Team
Friday, May 27, 2011
TRUST-BASED PARENTING: Creating Lasting Changes in Your Child’s Behavior is the latest DVD release from TCU’s Institute of Child Development, and is currently available at a substantial discount for a limited time. The Trust-Based Parenting DVD offers in-depth training for parents of children with trauma-based behavioral issues, and is a must-have for adoptive and foster parents, church ministry leaders and professionals.
Tags: Adoption Preparation, Behavioral Challenges, Creative Ways to Connect, Discipline, DVDs, Giving Voice, Older Children, TCU Institute of Child Development
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By: Amy Monroe, Dr. Karyn Purvis, Michael Monroe
Thursday, May 5, 2011
In June 2010 we published Created To Connect: A Christian’s Guide to The Connected Child. Our hope was this study guide, which follows The Connected Child chapter-by-chapter, would be an encouragement and provide additional insight for Christian adoptive and foster families.
In less than one year we have distributed 6,000 printed copies of the study guide, and more than that same number of people have downloaded the study guide online. We have heard from dozens of churches that are regularly using the study guide in support groups and discussion groups. Likewise, many agencies and countless families from across the country have turned to the study guide to find hope and help.
Tags: Adoption Preparation, Church Ministry, Created To Connect Study Guide
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By: Dr. Karyn Purvis
Monday, April 18, 2011
As promised, here are the handouts (containing the text of Dr. Purvis’ slides) from the recent Empowered To Connect Conference in Denver, Colorado:
● Handout for The Attachment Dance
● Handout for Empoweing Our Kids to Succeed: Understanding Sensory Processing and the Neurochemistry of Fear
● Handout for Foundations for Behavioral Change
Tags: Attachment, Attachment Styles, Behavioral Challenges, Brain Chemistry, Discipline, ETC Conference, Overcoming Fear, Sensory Processing
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By: Michael Monroe
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Recently I came across an Adoptive Families Magazine article entitled Band-Aid Mom. In the article, Wendy Flemons, an adoptive mom, asks this important question – “Can a Band-Aid do more than heal a physical wound?” As simple as it may seem, this is a profoundly important question and one that adoptive dads should be equally interested in answering.
Flemons explains in the article her initial aversion to Band-Aids given the tendency of many kids to over-rely on the simple first aid supply that lacks any real inherent healing characteristics. I can relate. However, as I continue to learn more about the important and complex subject of attachment, I have discovered that Band-Aids are actually a highly relevant tool – literally and metaphorically – for adoptive and foster parents as they seek to help their children heal from the effects of their past. Writing about the experience with her 10 year old daughter who they adopted less than a year ago from Ethiopia, Flemons noted that she had learned two important things: “Children have pain beyond what we can see, and Band-Aids are not just physical objects.”
Tags: Attachment, Balance of Nurture & Structure, Being Fully Present, Compassion, Creative Ways to Connect, Giving Voice
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By: Lisa Qualls
Monday, April 4, 2011
I was pouring a cup of coffee when my friend called. She asked if I had a minute to talk and when I answered, “Yes,” her resolve quickly faded and she began to cry. She told me about a conflict with her newly adopted son that had occurred the night before. Despite her best intentions, she was convinced that she had failed to handle it well. Then she said these words that made me catch my breath – they were all too familiar: “I used to be a good mom.”
Tags: Adoption Preparation, Behavioral Challenges, Compassion, Count the Cost, Motivations and Expectations, Older Children
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