Archive for “Being Fully Present”
By: Amy Monroe, Dr. Karyn Purvis
Sunday, April 7, 2013
When parents make mistakes it can actually be healthy for both them and their children, so long as parents are quick to repair the ruptured connection. This is certainly good news, given that all parents are prone to their fair share of mistakes.
So here’s a challenge for all parents — let’s practice making mistakes (not intentionally, of course) and repairing them so that we and our children can grow and learn, and our connection can be strengthened. Are you up for it?
Tags: Attachment, Being Fully Present, Repairing Connection, Talking with Childen, Teaching Life Values
Posted in Articles |
By: Michael Monroe
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
People who make things look easy really get on my nerves. You know who I’m talking about. Ever watched one of those cooking shows on TV? You see them making some recipe in 10 easy steps and it always comes out looking hot, beautiful, and delicious. So you try it at home and all you end up with is a giant mess of something ugly and inedible. Or maybe you’ve watched one of those home improvement shows where the host can build, repair, or decorate just about anything and it turns out great, all on a shoestring budget. So in a fit of inspiration you make a trip to Home Depot, spend twice as much as you wanted to, come home and four hours later all your spouse can say is “maybe we can call someone to come fix it tomorrow.” Why does it seem to be so easy for some people? Why are so many things in life easier said than done?
Tags: Behavioral Challenges, Being Fully Present, Connecting While Correcting, Count the Cost, Investment Model of Parenting, Motivations and Expectations
Posted in Articles |
By: Michael Monroe
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
“Who are you?” I remember thinking this unthinkable thought as I looked into the face of my young son only a few years into our life together as an adoptive family. He did not share my DNA but he was every bit ‘mine.’ Yet while we were both made in the image of the same God, I was becoming aware that we were two very different reflections.
In that moment I began to be confronted by much of what I had brought into the journey of adoptive parenting – most significantly my expectations about my child and how this journey would unfold. In reality I hardly knew my son, still that did not stop me from creating expectations about the things he would like and how he would act and think. On top of that, I expected that the adoption path God had led us down would be relatively easy and straightforward once we were home. I convinced myself that adoption was little more than a historical fact of how we came to be, rather than an ongoing reality of the journey that lay ahead.
Tags: Adoption Preparation, Being Fully Present, Compassion, Especially for Dads, Motivations and Expectations
Posted in Articles |
By: ETC Team
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Dr. Karyn Purvis and the Institute of Child Development have released their latest DVD entitled Attachment: Why It Matters.
This new DVD explores the critical role of attachment in a child’s development. In this 2-disk set, adoptive parents share their struggles and successes in pursuit of answers to the all-important questions about attachment. In addition, experts (such as Dr. Karyn Purvis, Dr. David Cross, and Dr. Dan Siegel) share fascinating and encouraging research, particularly in the field of neuroscience, that reveals how secure attachments can help counter the effects of early trauma.
Tags: Attachment, Balance of Nurture & Structure, Being Fully Present, Repairing Connection, TCU Institute of Child Development
Posted in Articles |
By: ETC Team
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Time-in (as opposed to time-out) is an important strategy to help parents learn to “connect while correcting” with their children.
When using the time-in strategy it’s critical to remember that time-in is not intended to punish your child. Instead, time-in is designed to help your child calm and regulate so that he can express his needs (or wants) appropriately. Also, be sure not to jump the gun and resort to time-in when another, lower level strategy (such as playful engagement or choices) might address the behavior more effectively.
But there are times when a time-in is precisely the strategy that is called for. So here are eight keys to help you implement an effective time-in with your child.
Tags: Attachment, Balance of Nurture & Structure, Behavioral Challenges, Being Fully Present, Connecting While Correcting, Creative Ways to Connect, Discipline, Giving Voice, Investment Model of Parenting, Older Children, Playful Interaction, Repairing Connection
Posted in Articles |
By: Michael Monroe
Friday, September 7, 2012
Possibly one of the most practical and useful tools Dr. Karyn Purvis teaches parents is what she calls “Total Voice Control.” This tool equips parents to focus on how they use their own voice when interacting with their child.
Watch as Michael Monroe talks about how parents can use this tool to focus on how they say what they say, and as a result more effectively promote connection and understanding between themselves and their child.
Tags: Attachment, Behavioral Challenges, Being Fully Present, Connecting While Correcting, Creative Ways to Connect, Discipline, Playful Interaction, Talking with Childen
Posted in Video |
By: Amy Monroe, Dr. Karyn Purvis, Michael Monroe
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Part of the role of good Christian parents is undoubtedly teaching their children the values they cherish. We want our children to understand the importance of these values and, more importantly, to live a life that reflects them. Respect for others (and yourself), kindness, gentleness, self-control and other similar character qualities provide our children with a solid foundation and prepare them for the future. The question for parents, however, is how best to teach these values in ways our children can understand and make their own. Specifically, we need to ask how we can best do this for our children who come from hard places and have not had these things consistently taught, modeled or esteemed.
Tags: Behavioral Challenges, Being Fully Present, Connecting While Correcting, Discipline, Older Children, Teaching Life Values
Posted in Articles |
By: Lisa Qualls
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
When I became a mother, I wanted summer days to be relaxed and fun. With a larger family, there was more work to be done, so my children had significant chores, and yard work to do, but there was still plenty of time for play. Stacks of books to read, afternoons at the local pool, and sleeping out in the yard were foundations to our days.
This summer my desk is stacked with lists of activities, charts for chores, camp registration forms, and appointment reminders. As I’ve been working on plans for this summer, I recognize how differently I approach summer as the mother of children from “hard places.”
Tags: Balance of Nurture & Structure, Being Fully Present, Count the Cost, Investment Model of Parenting, Motivations and Expectations, Older Children, Sensory Processing
Posted in Articles |
By: Amy Monroe, Dr. Karyn Purvis, Michael Monroe
Thursday, June 14, 2012
It is often difficult, sometimes seemingly impossible, to see beyond our children’s behaviors. And yet, that is exactly what children—particularly those from hard places—need for us to do. Our children desperately need parents who can see beyond their behaviors to the real child that is locked inside a fortress of fear, confusion and shame.
At the same time, it is important to keep in mind that “seeing beyond” our children’s behaviors is not the same as overlooking behaviors that are unhealthy, unacceptable and hold them back. Some parents at this point may be tempted to respond, “How can we just let our children get away with bad behavior? Isn’t it our responsibility to teach them right and wrong and to discipline them accordingly?” The answer is certainly yes, but as we seek to do this it is important that we remain focused on the primary goal.
Tags: Behavioral Challenges, Being Fully Present, Connecting While Correcting, Created To Connect Study Guide, Discipline
Posted in Articles |
By: Lisa Qualls
Thursday, April 19, 2012
You know those people who always seem to have it all together? They look great, their children are well behaved and dressed in darling outfits, their homes are decorated and lovely, and life seems to be going along swimmingly? I used to aspire to be like that, but that doesn’t seem to be God’s plan for me. It’s not that I’m admitting defeat or saying that I’m giving up on a tidy life, rather I am accepting that our path is messy.
When we love people, we invite their brokenness and mess into our lives. Mess is inconvenient; it takes our time, energy, and sometimes money to make it better. Despite our efforts, the mess cannot always be fully contained. It spills over and touches the people who dare to stand near.
Tags: Adoption Preparation, Being Fully Present, Count the Cost, Motivations and Expectations
Posted in Articles |