Archive for “Compassion”
By: Amy Monroe
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
I’ve been talking with a lot of moms lately and many of them are struggling with their kids. I get it. There are days I struggle too. The issues we face vary from the small, frustrating and everyday, to the big, infuriating and out-of-control. But no matter what the issue or challenge, the one thing I constantly remind them of, and the one thing I have to constantly remind myself of, is the need to see my kids with eyes of compassion…and to approach each and every interaction with them compassionately.
Tags: Balance of Nurture & Structure, Behavioral Challenges, Being Fully Present, Compassion, Discipline, Motivations and Expectations
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By: Michael Monroe
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
It was the third day in a row, or maybe the fourth. I don’t exactly recall. I do, however, vividly remember coming home from work and being met by my normally patient and long-suffering wife declaring in an overly frustrated tone “Here, you deal with him. I’m done!”
The kids were home for Christmas break and one son in particular was being more than a handful. This was very uncharacteristic for him. The first day we thought it was simply childhood Christmas excitement. By the second day, we were beginning to lose our patience. When I arrived home this day my wife was almost at her wits’ end. Nagging, whining, crying, bugging siblings, arguing, you name it. But why? Didn’t he know Christmas was almost here? Had he forgotten that Santa was “making his list and checking it twice?” Wasn’t he aware of how much mom and dad had to do in order to get ready for Christmas? For so many reasons, now was not the time for him to be acting this way.
What I did next doesn’t come naturally to me.
Tags: Behavioral Challenges, Being Fully Present, Compassion, Giving Voice, Loss and Grief, Talking with Childen
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By: Dr. Karyn Purvis
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
In order to truly understand children from hard places — what they have experienced, the impact of those experiences and how we can help them heal and grow — it is important that we understand some of the basics. That’s why we have put this collection of eight Empowered To Connect videos together — to introduce (or re-introduce) you to some of the most important basics that we believe every adoptive parent can benefit from.
Click here to watch all eigth videos.
Tags: Adoption Preparation, Attachment, Balance of Nurture & Structure, Behavioral Challenges, Being Fully Present, Brain Chemistry, Compassion, Connecting While Correcting, Creative Ways to Connect, Dealing with Crisis, Discipline, Fear, Giving Voice, IDEAL Response, Investment Model of Parenting, Sensory Processing, Trauma
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By: Dr. Karyn Purvis
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Sleep related issues and challenges are all too common for children from hard places. Watch as Dr. Karyn Purvis offers insights and strategies to help parents effectively respond to their child’s fear associated with sleep issues and build connection in the process.
Tags: Behavioral Challenges, Compassion, Creative Ways to Connect, Fear, Giving Voice, Overcoming Fear
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By: Michael Monroe
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Children from hard places often experience pervasive and overwhelming feelings of sadness, and these feelings are often rooted, at least in part, in their personal history. The challenge for parents is that many times children express these feelings of sadness through anger and disrespect. In other words, their sad can often look mad — sometimes very mad.
Watch as Michael Monroe talks about some of his experiences with this, and encourages parents to look beyond the “mad” in order to help their children begin to identify, express and deal with their true feelings of sadness.
Tags: Attachment, Balance of Nurture & Structure, Behavioral Challenges, Being Fully Present, Compassion, Discipline, Giving Voice, Loss and Grief, Older Children
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By: Lisa Qualls
Thursday, July 28, 2011
I don’t know about you, but I’m not fond of those moments when my child stomps away in a huff, or crosses her arms as she looks at me. She is mad, and my initial response is to be irritated. As she setttles deeper into “mad,” I can feel myself pull away from her. I get short with her and find I don’t want to look in her eyes.
I need to stop.
This is the crucial moment when I need to stop the “mad cycle” and see it for what it really is.
She is sad.
Tags: Attachment, Balance of Nurture & Structure, Behavioral Challenges, Being Fully Present, Compassion, Discipline, Investment Model of Parenting, Motivations and Expectations, Older Children
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By: Michael Monroe
Friday, June 24, 2011
As an adoptive dad I’ve come to the place that I can easily acknowledge that all of my kids are a little different in some way or another. Different than what, you ask? I’m not entirely sure, but I know that they are different.
As I listen to dads who don’t share the adoption or foster experience, I realize how normal being an adoptive dad is. I can relate to almost everything they talk about because I’ve experienced it myself. But I know that there are more than a few things about my experience as an adoptive dad that these other dads can’t relate to. I am generally ok with that. Most of the time I don’t really think about my kids being different. It is just who they are, and a part of who we are. But every once in a while I notice it, and it can leave me feeling a bit misunderstood and even isolated, except among other adoptive parents.
“Typical” is the word that seems to have replaced the word “normal” in the world of adoption and foster care. This is probably for good reason. After all, children that have backgrounds involving trauma, abuse, abandonment and institutionalization aren’t abnormal, but they often don’t develop in the same way and at the same pace as a “typically developing” child.
Tags: Compassion, Count the Cost, Investment Model of Parenting, Motivations and Expectations
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By: Amy Monroe
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
We recently moved out of our house to remodel the downstairs after experiencing a water leak. In the process, I was forced to confront one of the more unwelcome tasks of moving – cleaning out the pantry. In doing so I discovered that we had somehow collected enough random cans of food to survive for months, if not years. That was, of course, if we didn’t mind eating Spaghetti O’s that expired the same year my six-year olds were born! I’m ashamed to admit it, but I had more than a few expired food items lining the shelves.
As I look back on our adoption journey and I listen to the challenges of other adoptive and foster parents, it occurs to me that many of us view compassion for our children in much the same way as we would that old can of Spaghetti O’s. The honest truth is that for many of us, our compassion for our children – for the trauma and harm they suffered, the pain and loss that flows from their past and the lingering effects of their history – has an expiration date. All too often we think in terms of “they’ve been home for six months…they should not be doing that still” or even “they’ve been home for five years…they should know better by now.”
Tags: Being Fully Present, Compassion, Motivations and Expectations, Trauma
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By: Dr. Karyn Purvis
Monday, June 20, 2011
Food battles can be challenging for any parent, and especially for adoptive and foster parents. Many children from hard places struggle with food-related issues and parents are often at a loss to know how best to respond to these challenges.
Watch as Dr. Karyn Purvis offers insights to help parents engage “food battles” while keeping connection in mind.
Tags: Behavioral Challenges, Compassion, Discipline, Fear, Food & Nutrition, Giving Voice, Sensory Processing, Trauma
Posted in Video | 1 Comment »
By: Lisa Qualls
Thursday, June 2, 2011
I would venture to guess that nearly every parent of a child from a “hard place” believes they have done it all wrong. As the recent Empowered to Connect Conference came to a close, a dear friend shared that she and her husband were both hopeful and disheartened by what they had learned. They held back tears of sorrow and regret as they wished they could go back and parent their children differently. Russ and I have also wrestled with these thoughts and are saddened by the knowledge that some of our efforts likely increased our children’s trauma rather than brought healing.
Tags: Balance of Nurture & Structure, Being Fully Present, Compassion, Motivations and Expectations, Talking with Childen
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