Archive for “Compassion”
By: Michael Monroe
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
“Who are you?” I remember thinking this unthinkable thought as I looked into the face of my young son only a few years into our life together as an adoptive family. He did not share my DNA but he was every bit ‘mine.’ Yet while we were both made in the image of the same God, I was becoming aware that we were two very different reflections.
In that moment I began to be confronted by much of what I had brought into the journey of adoptive parenting – most significantly my expectations about my child and how this journey would unfold. In reality I hardly knew my son, still that did not stop me from creating expectations about the things he would like and how he would act and think. On top of that, I expected that the adoption path God had led us down would be relatively easy and straightforward once we were home. I convinced myself that adoption was little more than a historical fact of how we came to be, rather than an ongoing reality of the journey that lay ahead.
Tags: Adoption Preparation, Being Fully Present, Compassion, Especially for Dads, Motivations and Expectations
Posted in Articles |
By: Lisa Qualls
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
My son, Ebenezer, has an extreme fear of bees; when he sees a bee, or even a fly outside, he runs into the house and refuses to go back out. It isn’t difficult for me to understand why. When he was 2 1/2, he followed his brother into the pasture to feed the cows, and stepped on a wasps’ nest. The wasps swarmed him, and as we ran to help, we were all stung multiple times. Ebenezer had 35 stings. It was a horrible event for all of us – in fact, just writing about it makes me recall how terrified I was.
I’m currently reading The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel Siegel and Tina Bryson; it has given me so much to think about. Chapter 4: Kill the Butterflies! Integrating Memory for Growth and Healing is packed with fascinating information about the brain and how to help our children process memories. Making sense of their memories helps them better understand their thoughts and feelings in the present.
Tags: Brain Development, Compassion, Fear, Giving Voice, Overcoming Fear, Trauma
Posted in Articles |
By: Dr. Karyn Purvis
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Watch as Dr. Karyn Purvis answers the challenging question that many adoptive parents ask: is it adoption related or just typical child behavior? In this brief video she offers helpful insights and encourages parents to always be mindful of their child’s history.
Tags: 10 Common Questions Series, Behavioral Challenges, Compassion, Connecting While Correcting, Investment Model of Parenting
Posted in Video |
By: Dr. Karyn Purvis, Michael Monroe
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Watch as Dr. Karyn Purvis and Michael Monroe talk about the importance of meeting your child’s needs with an appropriate balance of nurture and structure in order to prepare them for success later in life.
Tags: 10 Common Questions Series, Balance of Nurture & Structure, Behavioral Challenges, Compassion, Connecting While Correcting, Discipline, Especially for Dads, Giving Voice, Older Children, Teaching Life Values
Posted in Video |
By: Dr. Karyn Purvis, Michael Monroe
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
In response to meltdowns, emotional outbursts, extreme neediness, and many other behavioral challenges, adoptive and foster parents are often left asking: “why won’t my child act his or her age?”
Watch as Dr. Karyn Purvis and Michael Monroe address this important question, offering insight about the needs of adoptive and foster children and how parents can effectively meet those needs to build trust and develop a stronger connection.
Tags: 10 Common Questions Series, Behavioral Challenges, Compassion, Discipline, Giving Voice, Investment Model of Parenting, Older Children
Posted in Video |
By: Amy Monroe, Dr. Karyn Purvis, Michael Monroe
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Fear — it is a crippling and sometimes debilitating feeling, but it is so much more than a feeling. For many children from hard places, fear is a constant, though unwelcome, companion. It is a way of life. From research we know that fear left unaddressed can have pervasive and long-lasting effects on a child, including negative impacts on cognitive ability, sensory processing, brain chemistry, brain development, ability to focus and ability to trust. As a result, it distorts and dictates much of what our children are dealing with.
Tags: Behavioral Challenges, Compassion, Fear, Overcoming Fear, Trauma
Posted in Articles |
By: Amy Monroe, Dr. Karyn Purvis, Michael Monroe
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Researchers have documented the profound and lasting effects that early care or the lack thereof have on the development of trust (“I am safe”), self-worth (“I am precious”) and self-efficacy (“I am heard”). In addition, developmental researchers widely acknowledge that the formative early days dramatically influence attachment relationships and also have dramatic and lasting effects on brain development and brain chemistry. Tragically, many of the children that we love and serve came into an unwelcoming world and started life amidst very difficult circumstances. These heartbreaking early harms and losses often hold our children back from developing in healthy or optimal ways and too often prevent them from developing trust and understanding just how precious they truly are.
Tags: Attachment, Compassion, Created To Connect Study Guide
Posted in Articles |
By: Amy Monroe
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
I’ve been talking with a lot of moms lately and many of them are struggling with their kids. I get it. There are days I struggle too. The issues we face vary from the small, frustrating and everyday, to the big, infuriating and out-of-control. But no matter what the issue or challenge, the one thing I constantly remind them of, and the one thing I have to constantly remind myself of, is the need to see my kids with eyes of compassion…and to approach each and every interaction with them compassionately.
Tags: Balance of Nurture & Structure, Behavioral Challenges, Being Fully Present, Compassion, Discipline, Motivations and Expectations
Posted in Articles |
By: Michael Monroe
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
It was the third day in a row, or maybe the fourth. I don’t exactly recall. I do, however, vividly remember coming home from work and being met by my normally patient and long-suffering wife declaring in an overly frustrated tone “Here, you deal with him. I’m done!”
The kids were home for Christmas break and one son in particular was being more than a handful. This was very uncharacteristic for him. The first day we thought it was simply childhood Christmas excitement. By the second day, we were beginning to lose our patience. When I arrived home this day my wife was almost at her wits’ end. Nagging, whining, crying, bugging siblings, arguing, you name it. But why? Didn’t he know Christmas was almost here? Had he forgotten that Santa was “making his list and checking it twice?” Wasn’t he aware of how much mom and dad had to do in order to get ready for Christmas? For so many reasons, now was not the time for him to be acting this way.
What I did next doesn’t come naturally to me.
Tags: Behavioral Challenges, Being Fully Present, Compassion, Giving Voice, Loss and Grief, Talking with Childen
Posted in Articles |
By: Dr. Karyn Purvis
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
In order to truly understand children from hard places — what they have experienced, the impact of those experiences and how we can help them heal and grow — it is important that we understand some of the basics. That’s why we have put this collection of eight Empowered To Connect videos together — to introduce (or re-introduce) you to some of the most important basics that we believe every adoptive parent can benefit from.
Click here to watch all eigth videos.
Tags: Adoption Preparation, Attachment, Balance of Nurture & Structure, Behavioral Challenges, Being Fully Present, Brain Chemistry, Compassion, Connecting While Correcting, Creative Ways to Connect, Dealing with Crisis, Discipline, Fear, Giving Voice, IDEAL Response, Investment Model of Parenting, Sensory Processing, Trauma
Posted in Video |