Archive for “Count the Cost”
By: Lisa Qualls
Thursday, April 19, 2012
You know those people who always seem to have it all together? They look great, their children are well behaved and dressed in darling outfits, their homes are decorated and lovely, and life seems to be going along swimmingly? I used to aspire to be like that, but that doesn’t seem to be God’s plan for me. It’s not that I’m admitting defeat or saying that I’m giving up on a tidy life, rather I am accepting that our path is messy.
When we love people, we invite their brokenness and mess into our lives. Mess is inconvenient; it takes our time, energy, and sometimes money to make it better. Despite our efforts, the mess cannot always be fully contained. It spills over and touches the people who dare to stand near.
Tags: Adoption Preparation, Being Fully Present, Count the Cost, Motivations and Expectations
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By: Lisa Qualls
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Dr. Karyn Purvis speaks about the importance of giving children “voice,” and we have embraced this as we’ve loved and cared for our children from “hard places.” But what about the children that were already in our family? Did we neglect to give them voice? Did we fail to meet their needs as we desperately worked to help our most traumatized children?
I can tell you that we did, and it breaks my heart to acknowledge it. In March 2007, we brought three children home from Ethiopia. One of them brought severe challenges that turned our family upside down. Our home, which had once been a very happy place, was now in constant tumult. And the children already in our family suffered more than we could have imagined.
In many ways, we failed them. In our effort to bring healing to our children from “hard places” we created a “hard place” for our other children. In our effort to give our children from “hard places” voice, we neglected to give our other children “voice.” This is the hard truth.
Tags: Count the Cost, Dealing with Crisis, Giving Voice, Older Children, Talking with Childen
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By: Dr. Karyn Purvis
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
The adoption and foster care journey is filled with joy, blessings and beauty. But it is a journey also marked by loss, pain and challenges of various kinds. As a result, parents must be mindful to ‘count the cost’ of traveling this journey.
Watch as Dr. Karyn Purvis encourages parents to ‘count the cost’ as they engage the adoption and foster care journey in a way that leads to true hope and healing.
Tags: Adoption Preparation, Being Fully Present, Count the Cost, Investment Model of Parenting, Motivations and Expectations
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By: Michael Monroe
Friday, June 24, 2011
As an adoptive dad I’ve come to the place that I can easily acknowledge that all of my kids are a little different in some way or another. Different than what, you ask? I’m not entirely sure, but I know that they are different.
As I listen to dads who don’t share the adoption or foster experience, I realize how normal being an adoptive dad is. I can relate to almost everything they talk about because I’ve experienced it myself. But I know that there are more than a few things about my experience as an adoptive dad that these other dads can’t relate to. I am generally ok with that. Most of the time I don’t really think about my kids being different. It is just who they are, and a part of who we are. But every once in a while I notice it, and it can leave me feeling a bit misunderstood and even isolated, except among other adoptive parents.
“Typical” is the word that seems to have replaced the word “normal” in the world of adoption and foster care. This is probably for good reason. After all, children that have backgrounds involving trauma, abuse, abandonment and institutionalization aren’t abnormal, but they often don’t develop in the same way and at the same pace as a “typically developing” child.
Tags: Compassion, Count the Cost, Investment Model of Parenting, Motivations and Expectations
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By: Dr. Karyn Purvis
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Watch as Dr. Karyn Purvis talks about the need for adoptive and foster parents to simplify their lives in dramatic ways in order to help their children adjust, build trust and develop a strong connection. This video is part of the Insights and Gifts video series, which includes a small group discussion guide that you can download here.
Tags: Adoption Preparation, Being Fully Present, Count the Cost, Insights & Gifts, Older Children
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By: Lisa Qualls
Monday, April 4, 2011
I was pouring a cup of coffee when my friend called. She asked if I had a minute to talk and when I answered, “Yes,” her resolve quickly faded and she began to cry. She told me about a conflict with her newly adopted son that had occurred the night before. Despite her best intentions, she was convinced that she had failed to handle it well. Then she said these words that made me catch my breath – they were all too familiar: “I used to be a good mom.”
Tags: Adoption Preparation, Behavioral Challenges, Compassion, Count the Cost, Motivations and Expectations, Older Children
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By: Amy Monroe
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Sue and Ron had three biological children who were healthy, happy and loved the Lord. Life was good and honestly it was fairly simple, at least until they went on a mission trip and visited a Russian orphanage. It was there that they knew in their hearts God was calling them to adopt—and not just adopt any child but a 10-year-old girl named Sasha. They were excited about what God was going to do in and through their family, but they were quite nervous as well.
Sue and Ron knew many families who had already adopted and some of what they knew about these families’ experiences was more than a little scary. Most of them adopted older children from Russian orphanages, some from Sasha’s orphanage, and most had encountered significant challenges not long after they returned home. As they reflected on the struggles that these families faced, Sue and Ron were determined to learn from these families’ experiences.
Tags: Adoption Preparation, Attachment, Balance of Nurture & Structure, Count the Cost, Creative Ways to Connect, Motivations and Expectations, Older Children
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By: Dr. Karyn Purvis
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
In this brief video, Dr. Karyn Purvis offers some simple, yet tangible steps that families in crisis can take in order to find the hope and help they need. To see what these steps looked like for one family, read How We Found Help in the Midst of Crisis.
Tags: Behavioral Challenges, Church Ministry, Count the Cost, Dealing with Crisis, Motivations and Expectations, Older Children
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By: Lisa Qualls
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
In this short video, Dr. Purvis highlights a number of strategies for helping families, many of which we used when our family was in crisis. The over-arching theme is that we cannot parent children from “hard places” alone. As she says, we need to “pitch our tent” with others who understand and turn to them for help. As we struggled to find our way, we learned that we needed a “team” for our daughter because we could not meet her needs and the needs of our other children at the same time. We were exhausted, emotionally and physically, and we were stressed beyond belief.
But there is hope. This is our story of how we found help in the midst of crisis.
Tags: Behavioral Challenges, Church Ministry, Count the Cost, Dealing with Crisis, Motivations and Expectations, Older Children
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By: Amy Monroe, Michael Monroe
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
In this audio presentation Michael & Amy Monroe speak to a group of adoptive and foster parents (and parents-to-be) at a Tapestry event about what it means to approach the adoption and foster care journey from the “inside out.” This process requires that parents be willing to look back and make sense of their own past, look forward and honestly examine their motivations and expectations, in order to be free in each and every moment to be “fully emotionally present” with their children to help them heal and become all that God has created them to be.
In addition to listening to the audio, you can also follow along with the slides and handouts for this presentation.
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Tags: Adoption Preparation, Attachment, Behavioral Challenges, Church Ministry, Count the Cost, Motivations and Expectations, Tapestry, Trauma
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