Archive for “Motivations and Expectations”
By: Amy Monroe
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
I’ve been talking with a lot of moms lately and many of them are struggling with their kids. I get it. There are days I struggle too. The issues we face vary from the small, frustrating and everyday, to the big, infuriating and out-of-control. But no matter what the issue or challenge, the one thing I constantly remind them of, and the one thing I have to constantly remind myself of, is the need to see my kids with eyes of compassion…and to approach each and every interaction with them compassionately.
Tags: Balance of Nurture & Structure, Behavioral Challenges, Being Fully Present, Compassion, Discipline, Motivations and Expectations
Posted in Articles | No Comments »
By: Michael Monroe
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Giving ‘children from hard places’ the gift of voice allows them to replace fear with trust. Giving them voice enables them to learn how to ask for their needs appropriately. Giving them voice helps them to begin to express what they are feeling. But these children will not find their voice on their own — they need insightful and equipped parents that are willing to give them voice.
Watch as Michael Monroe explains what it means for parents to give their children the gift of voice.
Tags: Balance of Nurture & Structure, Behavioral Challenges, Being Fully Present, Fear, Giving Voice, Investment Model of Parenting, Motivations and Expectations, Overcoming Fear
Posted in Video | No Comments »
By: Michael Monroe
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
I want to be a good father. I even like to think I work pretty hard at it – certainly much harder than I ever imagined I would. But despite my best intentions and in spite of all of my efforts, I am still a pretty sorry father at times. Sorry as in bad, rotten and no good. I can think of some other ways to say it, but I think you get the picture.
Take this morning for example. Mornings before school can be dicey in general, but for the most part we have our routine down and we’ve learned – parents and kids alike – how to make things run smoothly. Every once in a while, however, someone decides to mix things up. Maybe it’s because the kids went to bed late or one of them isn’t feeling well. Or maybe it’s for no reason at all, as was the case today. Whatever the reason, my kids need a father that can handle whatever they throw his way. I want to be that kind of father. Not some of the time; all of the time. But today I wasn’t. Today, I was the problem.
Tags: Being Fully Present, Motivations and Expectations, Repairing Connection, Talking with Childen
Posted in Articles | 1 Comment »
By: Dr. Karyn Purvis
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
There is no such thing as a perfect parent — and that is actually good news, so long as parents are willing to focus on repair when they fail and make mistakes.
Watch as Dr. Karyn Purvis explains why it is important for parents to repair their mistakes, and how repair can actually encourage growth and strengthen the relationship between parent and child.
Tags: Brain Chemistry, Motivations and Expectations, Repairing Connection, Talking with Childen
Posted in Video | No Comments »
By: Dr. Karyn Purvis
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
The adoption and foster care journey is filled with joy, blessings and beauty. But it is a journey also marked by loss, pain and challenges of various kinds. As a result, parents must be mindful to ‘count the cost’ of traveling this journey.
Watch as Dr. Karyn Purvis encourages parents to ‘count the cost’ as they engage the adoption and foster care journey in a way that leads to true hope and healing.
Tags: Adoption Preparation, Being Fully Present, Count the Cost, Investment Model of Parenting, Motivations and Expectations
Posted in Video | No Comments »
By: Lisa Qualls
Thursday, July 28, 2011
I don’t know about you, but I’m not fond of those moments when my child stomps away in a huff, or crosses her arms as she looks at me. She is mad, and my initial response is to be irritated. As she setttles deeper into “mad,” I can feel myself pull away from her. I get short with her and find I don’t want to look in her eyes.
I need to stop.
This is the crucial moment when I need to stop the “mad cycle” and see it for what it really is.
She is sad.
Tags: Attachment, Balance of Nurture & Structure, Behavioral Challenges, Being Fully Present, Compassion, Discipline, Investment Model of Parenting, Motivations and Expectations, Older Children
Posted in Articles | 2 Comments »
By: Amy Monroe
Monday, July 18, 2011
I will never forget a phone call I made a little over three years ago to Dr. Karyn Purvis. I had just finished reading her book, The Connected Child, and I was so excited to start “practicing” what I had learned. Little did I know that I was taking a step that would lead me (and our entire family) on an incredible journey.
I had spent the better part of an entire week using her strategies of “connecting while correcting” with all four of my kids. They were all out of school for the summer, and looking back I must have been crazy to try this when they were home all day. By the end of that week I was literally exhausted — physically and emotionally. I never imagined that this “connecting while correcting” would take so much time and energy. Threatening to put my kids in “time out” or taking something away was so much easier than this.
So when I called Dr. Purvis I pretty much told her that she was crazy and that this approach of hers would never work for us. I know what you are thinking — who am I to tell the expert that her methods didn’t work? Pretty bold, huh?
Tags: Balance of Nurture & Structure, Behavioral Challenges, Investment Model of Parenting, Motivations and Expectations
Posted in Articles | 1 Comment »
By: Amy Monroe
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Practice is an essential part of life — that is, if improving competence and confidence is our goal. This is no less true for adoptive and foster parents as they begin (and continue) down the path of parenting in a manner consistent with the principles and strategies of The Connected Child.
Watch as Amy Monroe explains the importance of practice for both parents and children.
Tags: Behavioral Challenges, Investment Model of Parenting, Motivations and Expectations
Posted in Video | No Comments »
By: Dr. Karyn Purvis
Friday, July 8, 2011
Parents often encourage or even push their child to be independent. However, for children from hard places becoming independent can be a real challenge, primarily because these children have not developed trust and may not have had their dependency needs met consistently by an insightful, attuned and available caregiver.
Watch as Dr. Karyn Purvis talks about authentic and healthy independence and how parents can best foster this with their child.
Tags: Attachment, Investment Model of Parenting, Motivations and Expectations, Older Children
Posted in Video | No Comments »
By: Michael Monroe
Friday, June 24, 2011
As an adoptive dad I’ve come to the place that I can easily acknowledge that all of my kids are a little different in some way or another. Different than what, you ask? I’m not entirely sure, but I know that they are different.
As I listen to dads who don’t share the adoption or foster experience, I realize how normal being an adoptive dad is. I can relate to almost everything they talk about because I’ve experienced it myself. But I know that there are more than a few things about my experience as an adoptive dad that these other dads can’t relate to. I am generally ok with that. Most of the time I don’t really think about my kids being different. It is just who they are, and a part of who we are. But every once in a while I notice it, and it can leave me feeling a bit misunderstood and even isolated, except among other adoptive parents.
“Typical” is the word that seems to have replaced the word “normal” in the world of adoption and foster care. This is probably for good reason. After all, children that have backgrounds involving trauma, abuse, abandonment and institutionalization aren’t abnormal, but they often don’t develop in the same way and at the same pace as a “typically developing” child.
Tags: Compassion, Count the Cost, Investment Model of Parenting, Motivations and Expectations
Posted in Articles | No Comments »