Recently, a friend and I leaned against my kitchen counter, watching our children play in the backyard. As we sipped coffee we chatted about a young couple in our church that is in the process of adopting two children. We reminisced about the time when we were in their shoes, recalling how little we truly knew and understood about the road that lay ahead. My friend and I agreed — we wished we could share all we have learned since that time about adopting children from “hard places.” We wished that someone had done the same for us.
As we talked, I realized that much of what we have learned along the way might be helpful to more than just this couple. They are good lessons and timely reminders for all of us who are on the adoption journey, no matter how far along.
Children from hard places have unique histories and needs. As a result, parents of these children need to learn how to love and parent them well. This requires that parents not only learn strategies that will be effective in helping them heal, but they will also need to ‘un-learn’ previous ways of parenting — whether those be parenting strategies that were successful with their biological children, ways that they themselves were parented or parenting approaches that others in their church or circle of friends are using.
In this brief video, Dr. Purvis explains the need for parents to focus specifically on the child that God has called them to love and care for, and to parent that child in a way that can bring hope, healing and joy.
Recently Dr. Karyn Purvis was interviewed on the FamilyLife Today radio program. During this three part interview, Dr. Purvis discusses the characteristics of children from hard places, the importance of parents having realistic expectations and tools and strategies that can help parents effectively correct behaviors and develop strong and lasting connections with their children. You can listen to each of these interviews below or purchase a single CD containing all three interviews from FamilyLife.
Listen as Dr. Purvis talks about the realities for children from hard places and encourages parents to “count the cost”:
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Listen as Dr. Purvis talks about the importance of parents having realistic expectations as they begin and travel the adoption or foster care journey:
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Listen as Dr. Purvis offers tools and strategies for parents to help them connect with their children to help them heal and become all that God intends:
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For many, the adoption process begins by surveying agency information, evaluating financial considerations and tackling mountains of paperwork, all while working through a complex array of questions, doubts and even fears. One important, but often overlooked, aspect is the need to engage the adoption journey from the “inside out” – through ongoing, honest self-reflection and self-evaluation.
This new 16 video series (developed in partnership with the TCU Institute of Child Development) offers seven insights and seven gifts that are highly relevant for all parents who are parenting or considering adopting or fostering children from hard places. ETC is also developing a discussion guide for this video series, which will be available in May 2010.
Dr. Karyn Purvis introduces Empowered To Connect’s Insights & Gifts video series. This 16 video series focuses on seven insights and seven gifts for parents who adopt or foster children from hard places.
The February 2010 issue of Adoption Today features an article entitled Becoming More Real to My Kids. The article focuses on the need for us as parents to more fully embrace our children holistically, including those parts of their past and present which can be difficult and painful.
Watch as Dr. Karyn Purvis explains the importance of parents being willing to look at their own histories as well as their expectations as they seek to connect with their children.
We were made to connect – with each other, with creation and with our Creator. As a result, one of the greatest gifts that parents can give to their children is a strong and lasting sense of connection. In The Connecting Link: What Parents Need to Bring Healing to Their Children, delivered at the 2009 Tapestry Adoption & Foster Care Conference, Dr. Purvis focuses on this important topic.
In this talk, Dr. Purvis provides parents with a better understanding of why children from hard places use distancing strategies, and how they can help their children replace those strategies by giving them voice, empowering them to make choices and helping them rediscover their inherent preciousness. In addition, Dr. Purvis challenges parents to better understand what they bring to the relationship, and to look at their own past hurts and loss with honesty and forgiveness.
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I can vividly remember the moment that I saw my oldest son for the first time. I’m not talking about the day I first laid eyes on him when he was only 18 days old, or the next day when we brought him home, changing our lives forever. I’m talking instead about that cool November afternoon, nearly two years from the day we first met, when I began to look beyond all of my assumptions and even hopes and dreams concerning my son, and caught my first glimpse of the “real” him. That was the first time I believe I truly met my son, as I started to let go of who I thought he was and would become and began to fully embrace the adventure of discovering who God had uniquely made him to be.