Archive for “Motivations and Expectations”
By: Dr. Karyn Purvis
Friday, July 8, 2011
Parents often encourage or even push their child to be independent. However, for children from hard places becoming independent can be a real challenge, primarily because these children have not developed trust and may not have had their dependency needs met consistently by an insightful, attuned and available caregiver.
Watch as Dr. Karyn Purvis talks about authentic and healthy independence and how parents can best foster this with their child.
Tags: Attachment, Investment Model of Parenting, Motivations and Expectations, Older Children
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By: Michael Monroe
Friday, June 24, 2011
As an adoptive dad I’ve come to the place that I can easily acknowledge that all of my kids are a little different in some way or another. Different than what, you ask? I’m not entirely sure, but I know that they are different.
As I listen to dads who don’t share the adoption or foster experience, I realize how normal being an adoptive dad is. I can relate to almost everything they talk about because I’ve experienced it myself. But I know that there are more than a few things about my experience as an adoptive dad that these other dads can’t relate to. I am generally ok with that. Most of the time I don’t really think about my kids being different. It is just who they are, and a part of who we are. But every once in a while I notice it, and it can leave me feeling a bit misunderstood and even isolated, except among other adoptive parents.
“Typical” is the word that seems to have replaced the word “normal” in the world of adoption and foster care. This is probably for good reason. After all, children that have backgrounds involving trauma, abuse, abandonment and institutionalization aren’t abnormal, but they often don’t develop in the same way and at the same pace as a “typically developing” child.
Tags: Compassion, Count the Cost, Investment Model of Parenting, Motivations and Expectations
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By: Amy Monroe
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
We recently moved out of our house to remodel the downstairs after experiencing a water leak. In the process, I was forced to confront one of the more unwelcome tasks of moving – cleaning out the pantry. In doing so I discovered that we had somehow collected enough random cans of food to survive for months, if not years. That was, of course, if we didn’t mind eating Spaghetti O’s that expired the same year my six-year olds were born! I’m ashamed to admit it, but I had more than a few expired food items lining the shelves.
As I look back on our adoption journey and I listen to the challenges of other adoptive and foster parents, it occurs to me that many of us view compassion for our children in much the same way as we would that old can of Spaghetti O’s. The honest truth is that for many of us, our compassion for our children – for the trauma and harm they suffered, the pain and loss that flows from their past and the lingering effects of their history – has an expiration date. All too often we think in terms of “they’ve been home for six months…they should not be doing that still” or even “they’ve been home for five years…they should know better by now.”
Tags: Being Fully Present, Compassion, Motivations and Expectations, Trauma
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By: Lisa Qualls
Thursday, June 2, 2011
I would venture to guess that nearly every parent of a child from a “hard place” believes they have done it all wrong. As the recent Empowered to Connect Conference came to a close, a dear friend shared that she and her husband were both hopeful and disheartened by what they had learned. They held back tears of sorrow and regret as they wished they could go back and parent their children differently. Russ and I have also wrestled with these thoughts and are saddened by the knowledge that some of our efforts likely increased our children’s trauma rather than brought healing.
Tags: Balance of Nurture & Structure, Being Fully Present, Compassion, Motivations and Expectations, Talking with Childen
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By: Dr. Karyn Purvis
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Watch as Dr. Karyn Purvis talks about the importance of parents exploring their expectations and motivations, as well as the impact that their own history can have when parenting children from hard places. This video is part of the Insights and Gifts video series, which includes a small group discussion guide that you can download here.
For more resources to help as parents explore their motivations, expectations and histories, click here.
Tags: Adoption Preparation, Attachment, Being Fully Present, Insights & Gifts, Motivations and Expectations
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By: Amy Monroe, Michael Monroe
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
When it comes to the issue of “talking” with your children about adoption or foster care, most parents immediately think in terms of what they should (and should not) say. However, effectively communicating with your child on these important matters involves much more than just the words you use.
In this one hour presentation from the 2010 Tapestry Adoption & Foster Care Conference, Michael & Amy Monroe (leaders of Tapestry) focus on how to communicate effectively and holistically with children about their story and your journey as a family. Specifically, they focus on the importance of nonverbal communication, learning to listen to your child and helping them to find perspective and meaning in your shared journey.
You can also download the slides from this presentation here.
Tags: Being Fully Present, Giving Voice, Loss and Grief, Motivations and Expectations, Talking with Childen, Tapestry Conference
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By: Lisa Qualls
Monday, April 4, 2011
I was pouring a cup of coffee when my friend called. She asked if I had a minute to talk and when I answered, “Yes,” her resolve quickly faded and she began to cry. She told me about a conflict with her newly adopted son that had occurred the night before. Despite her best intentions, she was convinced that she had failed to handle it well. Then she said these words that made me catch my breath – they were all too familiar: “I used to be a good mom.”
Tags: Adoption Preparation, Behavioral Challenges, Compassion, Count the Cost, Motivations and Expectations, Older Children
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By: Dr. Karyn Purvis
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Watch as Dr. Karyn Purvis talks about the importance of parents taking care of themselves in order to be more fully present for their children to help them heal. This video is part of the Insights and Gifts video series, which includes a small group discussion guide that you can download here.
Tags: Adoption Preparation, Being Fully Present, Insights & Gifts, Motivations and Expectations
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By: Amy Monroe
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Sue and Ron had three biological children who were healthy, happy and loved the Lord. Life was good and honestly it was fairly simple, at least until they went on a mission trip and visited a Russian orphanage. It was there that they knew in their hearts God was calling them to adopt—and not just adopt any child but a 10-year-old girl named Sasha. They were excited about what God was going to do in and through their family, but they were quite nervous as well.
Sue and Ron knew many families who had already adopted and some of what they knew about these families’ experiences was more than a little scary. Most of them adopted older children from Russian orphanages, some from Sasha’s orphanage, and most had encountered significant challenges not long after they returned home. As they reflected on the struggles that these families faced, Sue and Ron were determined to learn from these families’ experiences.
Tags: Adoption Preparation, Attachment, Balance of Nurture & Structure, Count the Cost, Creative Ways to Connect, Motivations and Expectations, Older Children
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By: Dr. Karyn Purvis
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
In this brief video, Dr. Karyn Purvis offers some simple, yet tangible steps that families in crisis can take in order to find the hope and help they need. To see what these steps looked like for one family, read How We Found Help in the Midst of Crisis.
Tags: Behavioral Challenges, Church Ministry, Count the Cost, Dealing with Crisis, Motivations and Expectations, Older Children
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