Archive for “Motivations and Expectations”
By: Amy Monroe
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
We recently moved out of our house to remodel the downstairs after experiencing a water leak. In the process, I was forced to confront one of the more unwelcome tasks of moving – cleaning out the pantry. In doing so I discovered that we had somehow collected enough random cans of food to survive for months, if not years. That was, of course, if we didn’t mind eating Spaghetti O’s that expired the same year my six-year olds were born! I’m ashamed to admit it, but I had more than a few expired food items lining the shelves.
As I look back on our adoption journey and I listen to the challenges of other adoptive and foster parents, it occurs to me that many of us view compassion for our children in much the same way as we would that old can of Spaghetti O’s. The honest truth is that for many of us, our compassion for our children – for the trauma and harm they suffered, the pain and loss that flows from their past and the lingering effects of their history – has an expiration date. All too often we think in terms of “they’ve been home for six months…they should not be doing that still” or even “they’ve been home for five years…they should know better by now.”
Tags: Being Fully Present, Compassion, Motivations and Expectations, Trauma
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By: Lisa Qualls
Thursday, June 2, 2011
I would venture to guess that nearly every parent of a child from a “hard place” believes they have done it all wrong. As the recent Empowered to Connect Conference came to a close, a dear friend shared that she and her husband were both hopeful and disheartened by what they had learned. They held back tears of sorrow and regret as they wished they could go back and parent their children differently. Russ and I have also wrestled with these thoughts and are saddened by the knowledge that some of our efforts likely increased our children’s trauma rather than brought healing.
Tags: Balance of Nurture & Structure, Being Fully Present, Compassion, Motivations and Expectations, Talking with Childen
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By: Dr. Karyn Purvis
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Watch as Dr. Karyn Purvis talks about the importance of parents exploring their expectations and motivations, as well as the impact that their own history can have when parenting children from hard places. This video is part of the Insights and Gifts video series, which includes a small group discussion guide that you can download here.
For more resources to help as parents explore their motivations, expectations and histories, click here.
Tags: Adoption Preparation, Attachment, Being Fully Present, Insights & Gifts, Motivations and Expectations
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By: Amy Monroe, Michael Monroe
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
When it comes to the issue of “talking” with your children about adoption or foster care, most parents immediately think in terms of what they should (and should not) say. However, effectively communicating with your child on these important matters involves much more than just the words you use.
In this one hour presentation from the 2010 Tapestry Adoption & Foster Care Conference, Michael & Amy Monroe (leaders of Tapestry) focus on how to communicate effectively and holistically with children about their story and your journey as a family. Specifically, they focus on the importance of nonverbal communication, learning to listen to your child and helping them to find perspective and meaning in your shared journey.
You can also download the slides from this presentation here.
Tags: Being Fully Present, Giving Voice, Loss and Grief, Motivations and Expectations, Talking with Childen, Tapestry Conference
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By: Lisa Qualls
Monday, April 4, 2011
I was pouring a cup of coffee when my friend called. She asked if I had a minute to talk and when I answered, “Yes,” her resolve quickly faded and she began to cry. She told me about a conflict with her newly adopted son that had occurred the night before. Despite her best intentions, she was convinced that she had failed to handle it well. Then she said these words that made me catch my breath – they were all too familiar: “I used to be a good mom.”
Tags: Adoption Preparation, Behavioral Challenges, Compassion, Count the Cost, Motivations and Expectations, Older Children
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By: Dr. Karyn Purvis
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Watch as Dr. Karyn Purvis talks about the importance of parents taking care of themselves in order to be more fully present for their children to help them heal. This video is part of the Insights and Gifts video series, which includes a small group discussion guide that you can download here.
Tags: Adoption Preparation, Being Fully Present, Insights & Gifts, Motivations and Expectations
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By: Amy Monroe
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Sue and Ron had three biological children who were healthy, happy and loved the Lord. Life was good and honestly it was fairly simple, at least until they went on a mission trip and visited a Russian orphanage. It was there that they knew in their hearts God was calling them to adopt—and not just adopt any child but a 10-year-old girl named Sasha. They were excited about what God was going to do in and through their family, but they were quite nervous as well.
Sue and Ron knew many families who had already adopted and some of what they knew about these families’ experiences was more than a little scary. Most of them adopted older children from Russian orphanages, some from Sasha’s orphanage, and most had encountered significant challenges not long after they returned home. As they reflected on the struggles that these families faced, Sue and Ron were determined to learn from these families’ experiences.
Tags: Adoption Preparation, Attachment, Balance of Nurture & Structure, Count the Cost, Creative Ways to Connect, Motivations and Expectations, Older Children
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By: Dr. Karyn Purvis
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
In this brief video, Dr. Karyn Purvis offers some simple, yet tangible steps that families in crisis can take in order to find the hope and help they need. To see what these steps looked like for one family, read How We Found Help in the Midst of Crisis.
Tags: Behavioral Challenges, Church Ministry, Count the Cost, Dealing with Crisis, Motivations and Expectations, Older Children
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By: Lisa Qualls
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
In this short video, Dr. Purvis highlights a number of strategies for helping families, many of which we used when our family was in crisis. The over-arching theme is that we cannot parent children from “hard places” alone. As she says, we need to “pitch our tent” with others who understand and turn to them for help. As we struggled to find our way, we learned that we needed a “team” for our daughter because we could not meet her needs and the needs of our other children at the same time. We were exhausted, emotionally and physically, and we were stressed beyond belief.
But there is hope. This is our story of how we found help in the midst of crisis.
Tags: Behavioral Challenges, Church Ministry, Count the Cost, Dealing with Crisis, Motivations and Expectations, Older Children
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By: Amy Monroe, Michael Monroe
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
In this audio presentation Michael & Amy Monroe speak to a group of adoptive and foster parents (and parents-to-be) at a Tapestry event about what it means to approach the adoption and foster care journey from the “inside out.” This process requires that parents be willing to look back and make sense of their own past, look forward and honestly examine their motivations and expectations, in order to be free in each and every moment to be “fully emotionally present” with their children to help them heal and become all that God has created them to be.
In addition to listening to the audio, you can also follow along with the slides and handouts for this presentation.
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Tags: Adoption Preparation, Attachment, Behavioral Challenges, Church Ministry, Count the Cost, Motivations and Expectations, Tapestry, Trauma
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