Children need a balance of nurture and structure in order to learn to trust and grow. Parents can provide this balance by learning to offer “yes’s” (nurture) as much as possible, along with the “no’s” (structure) that are invariably required to protect and teach their children.
Watch as Amy Monroe explains the importance of saying “yes” to your child (as much as possible).
Parents often become entangled in control battles with their children, leaving everyone frustrated and disconnected. Watch as Amy Monroe encourages parents to avoid control battles by becoming proactive.
Giving ‘children from hard places’ the gift of voice allows them to replace fear with trust. Giving them voice enables them to learn how to ask for their needs appropriately. Giving them voice helps them to begin to express what they are feeling. But these children will not find their voice on their own — they need insightful and equipped parents that are willing to give them voice.
Watch as Michael Monroe explains what it means for parents to give their children the gift of voice.
In order to truly understand children from hard places — what they have experienced, the impact of those experiences and how we can help them heal and grow — it is important that we understand some of the basics. That’s why we have put this collection of eight Empowered To Connect videos together — to introduce (or re-introduce) you to some of the most important basics that we believe every adoptive parent can benefit from.
Click here to watch all eigth videos.
The following story was included in Chapter 7 (Dealing with Defiance) of Created To Connect: A Christian’s Guide to The Connected Child. It illustrates well how parents can use playful engagement to correct misbehavior while also staying connected with their child.
Susan recently recounted a recurring issue she was dealing with at home with her six-year-old son, Seth, whom she adopted from foster care. The situation was becoming increasingly problematic and was causing a great deal of frustration. It involved outright defiance, but it started with a simple pair of socks.
Children from hard places often experience pervasive and overwhelming feelings of sadness, and these feelings are often rooted, at least in part, in their personal history. The challenge for parents is that many times children express these feelings of sadness through anger and disrespect. In other words, their sad can often look mad — sometimes very mad.
Watch as Michael Monroe talks about some of his experiences with this, and encourages parents to look beyond the “mad” in order to help their children begin to identify, express and deal with their true feelings of sadness.
I will never forget a phone call I made a little over three years ago to Dr. Karyn Purvis. I had just finished reading her book, The Connected Child, and I was so excited to start “practicing” what I had learned. Little did I know that I was taking a step that would lead me (and our entire family) on an incredible journey.
I had spent the better part of an entire week using her strategies of “connecting while correcting” with all four of my kids. They were all out of school for the summer, and looking back I must have been crazy to try this when they were home all day. By the end of that week I was literally exhausted — physically and emotionally. I never imagined that this “connecting while correcting” would take so much time and energy. Threatening to put my kids in “time out” or taking something away was so much easier than this.
So when I called Dr. Purvis I pretty much told her that she was crazy and that this approach of hers would never work for us. I know what you are thinking — who am I to tell the expert that her methods didn’t work? Pretty bold, huh?
In March 2011, Tapestry hosted an event entitled Connecting While Correcting. This event focused on helping adoptive and foster parents understand the need for connecting with our children, even when correction is required.
Amy & Michael Monroe began the event by presenting some of the key concepts and strategies that can equip parents to connect while correcting. Click here to download their presentation. The second half of the event featured a panel of adoptive and foster parents who shared their experiences and what they are learning as they seek to connect while correcting.
https://s3.amazonaws.com/Tapestry/Connecting+While+Correcting+Audio+(Tapestry+-+March+2011).mp3
Watch as Dr. Karyn Purvis explains why children from hard places need a balance of both nurture and structure in order to feel safe, develop trust and heal. This video is part of the Insights and Gifts video series, which includes a small group discussion guide that you can download here.
Read Chapter 6 from Created To Connect: A Christian’s Guide to The Connected Child for more about why balancing nurture and structure is important for children from hard places.
Watch as Dr. Karyn Purvis talks about why children from hard places need high levels of nurture, and how parents can best provide it. This video is part of the Insights and Gifts video series, which includes a small group discussion guide that you can download here.
For some great stories about providing nurture to our children to help them connect, heal and grow, click here.