Count the Cost

…And They Lived Faithfully Ever After

Everyone loves a story with a happy ending. It’s the stuff that best-selling books and box office hits are made of. Happy endings lift our spirits and inspire us to dream. They get us started, keep us going, and give us reason to believe.

When families adopt they too dream of living out a story with a happy ending. And well they should. After all, adoption is full of joys and blessings, and for many these experiences are the hallmarks of the journey itself.

But there’s just one problem when it comes to our enchantment with happy endings – they don’t always happen. Not in life and certainly not in adoption.

By Michael Monroe, ago

Anything But Typical

As an adoptive dad I’ve come to the place that I can easily acknowledge that all of my kids are a little different in some way or another. Different than what, you ask? I’m not entirely sure, but I know that they are different.

As I listen to dads who don’t share the adoption or foster experience, I realize how normal being an adoptive dad is. I can relate to almost everything they talk about because I’ve experienced it myself. But I know that there are more than a few things about my experience as an adoptive dad that these other dads can’t relate to. I am generally ok with that. Most of the time I don’t really think about my kids being different. It is just who they are, and a part of who we are. But every once in a while I notice it, and it can leave me feeling a bit misunderstood and even isolated, except among other adoptive parents.

“Typical” is the word that seems to have replaced the word “normal” in the world of adoption and foster care. This is probably for good reason. After all, children that have backgrounds involving trauma, abuse, abandonment and institutionalization aren’t abnormal, but they often don’t develop in the same way and at the same pace as a “typically developing” child.

By Michael Monroe, ago

Closing the Gap

Sue and Ron had three biological children who were healthy, happy and loved the Lord. Life was good and honestly it was fairly simple, at least until they went on a mission trip and visited a Russian orphanage. It was there that they knew in their hearts God was calling them to adopt—and not just adopt any child but a 10-year-old girl named Sasha. They were excited about what God was going to do in and through their family, but they were quite nervous as well.

Sue and Ron knew many families who had already adopted and some of what they knew about these families’ experiences was more than a little scary. Most of them adopted older children from Russian orphanages, some from Sasha’s orphanage, and most had encountered significant challenges not long after they returned home. As they reflected on the struggles that these families faced, Sue and Ron were determined to learn from these families’ experiences.

By Michael Monroe, ago

Adoption from the Inside Out

In this audio presentation Michael & Amy Monroe speak to a group of adoptive and foster parents (and parents-to-be) at a Tapestry event about what it means to approach the adoption and foster care journey from the “inside out.” This process requires that parents be willing to look back and make sense of their own past, look forward and honestly examine their motivations and expectations, in order to be free in each and every moment to be “fully emotionally present” with their children to help them heal and become all that God has created them to be.

In addition to listening to the audio, you can also follow along with the slides and handouts for this presentation.

https://empoweredtoconnect.org/wp-content/uploads/Adoption-from-the-Inside-Out-Audio.mp3

By Michael Monroe, ago

The Safest Place on Earth

(ETC Team: This article was originally published on the Tapestry website in 2007. While many churches have made real strides in the area of adoption and foster care ministry, collectively we still have a great deal of important work to do. It is our prayer that many more churches will commit to become truly “safe places” for adoptive and foster families.)

This may not be easy to read; it wasn’t easy to write. But I think this is something we all need to face . . . and then go about praying for and seeking change. I’m speaking of our churches and how they relate to and support (or fail to relate to and support) adoptive and foster families.

If Numbers Could Talk

A 2002 nationwide survey commissioned by The Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption revealed many interesting things regarding Americans’ views and attitudes about adoption. One finding was particularly relevant to local churches. When asked “where would you turn for information or advice about how to adopt,” 52% of married couples indicated they would turn to their local church or place of worship. Thus, it is clear that many people at the front-end of the adoption process think of their local church as being a good place to go for information and advice about adoption. Sounds promising, right? Hold that thought.

By Michael Monroe, ago

Counting the Cost: Preparing for the Adoption Journey

Dr. Karyn Purvis was one of the keynote speakers at the 2010 Together for Adoption Conference in Austin, Texas. During her talk, she challenged the nearly 1,000 participants that were gathered to “count the cost” as the consider and prepare for the adoption or foster care journey. This brief 30 minute talk is highly relevant and challenging for all adoptive and foster families as well as for churches wanting to wade into the waters of adoption and foster care ministry.

https://empoweredtoconnect.org/wp-content/uploads/Counting-the-Cost_-Preparing-Churches-for-the-Adoption-Journey.mp3

By Dr. Karyn Purvis, ago